BRIDE PRICE BUBUGAGA IN NIAJA

 

Bride Price is a sum of money or quantity of goods given to a bride’s family by that of the groom. In many parts of Nigeria, bride price must be paid first in order for the couple to get permission to marry in church or in other civil ceremonies, or the marriage is not considered valid by the bride’s family.

Depending on the wealth of the groom he and his family can enter a non-written contract with the bride’s family, in which he pays upfront or promises to pay what he owes within a specified period. While Western white weddings are gaining traction in Nigerian society, traditional weddings, which involve the paying of bride price are still widespread and are drawing criticism.

Popular feminist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie has been an outspoken critic of bride price “I think we should get rid of the whole idea of money in marriage, we are not selling anybody.”

The concept behind bride price, that women are commodities to be bought and sold, is rooted in patriarchal beliefs. In practices, where a bride price is paid, it is common for the husband to believe that by paying the bride price, he now owns his wife. This licenses marital rape and domestic abuse as the wife is seen as the husband’s “property.”

In rural areas, in the event of divorce, women are often forced to pay back the totality of their bride price. As most women have little financial agency, they cannot afford the divorce and are often trapped in abusive and detrimental marriages.

But bride price is not just harmful to women. With rising unemployability and inflation most young men are unable to pay the sometimes-exorbitant fees, that can go as high as N250,000 and cover livestock, property, and servants. 

Most men turn to loans or instalment payments that are passed onto their families in the event of their death as a “debt of honour” trapping their families and themselves in a never-ending cycle of debt.

Bride price is practiced all over Nigeria with differing variations. Ostensibly this grants women financial independence of their own, especially in Northern Nigeria where most women are uneducated home keepers mostly unable to fend for themselves. However, most women are denied access to the money. It is collected by male relatives who delegate it without their consent.  

Even if the money is supplied directly to them, archaic laws in villages prevent women from owning property and purchasing assets, limiting their agency. The arguments to continue bride price all focus on cultural preservation. But can we keep a practice that demeans the participants of the culture we are trying to protect?

Even though women currently have more rights than their predecessors, the practice is not entirely symbolic, as in rural areas it still retains its original function. Rural Nigerian women still suffer under a lack of civil liberties, with higher rates of gender-based violence due to misogynistic social practices just like this one.

 Widows are still forced to drink their husband’s corpse water to prove they did not kill them; young girls still have their genitals mutilated and women are still treated like spare parts to be used and thrown away.

Nigeria has a beautiful ancient culture we celebrate every day with our language, emotions, and interpersonal relationships. Why can’t we let go of the ones that harm half of our society?

When it comes to cultural cost it seems Nigerian women always pay the price.

Based on observation, these are the effect of the kind of expensive marriage concept we have adopted. It seems it has enslaved us.

1. High rate of pre-marital sex

I am not justifying pre-marital sex, but I’m sure the rate of pre-marital sex wouldn’t be so high if every marriageable bachelor/spinster can easily get married.

Like that kind of Romeo and Juliet kind of wedding lol.

2. Late marriage

Apart from those who are financial capable, but have no interest in marriage or haven’t met someone of their choice, majority of the youth who are of marriageable age have no means to get married.

3. Marrying the wrong person

Sometimes, most especially ladies ended up marrying  someone who can afford their marriage rite and not someone they really desire to be with.

That’s why some people are married to someone else while they love another person.

4. Poverty

How can a young man keep working hard, saving his money only for him to spend all that in one day all in the name of marriage? The worst part, after everything, he will start all over again but this time, it is going to get more difficult because more responsibilities have come in.

5. Over rating Marriage

I do not know how to put this; it is so annoying the way some takes marriage. Some see marriage as the greatest achievement of their life. Some people’s dream, aspiration, career all come to an end immediately they are married. Maybe because the cost of marriage is expensive and demanding so it is being overrated. Knowing that there is more to life than just marriage.

Bride price and wedding are not an avenue for parents and families to enrich themselves and impoverish young prospective suitors. This barbaric act must stop. In the long run, is your daughters that will suffer the decay of your selfish desires. Bride price is an appreciation of the lady by the man, not an extortion as we have today. Ladies, please stand up to this ugly trend instead of taking sides with your family. 

One of the rationales for this extortion is that the lady was trained and is a graduate. I ask you; the man you are marrying was he not trained in school as well? Some of these ladies, their education was supported by the young man in question that her family is ripping off. 

Your relatives that are coming to claim entitlement, what did they contribute to your development, advancement, and education? We are in the 21st century, we need to put an end to some of this repugnant and anti-progressive part of our culture. Let us change the narrative today.

Feel free to share your views and thoughts about this.

Compiled by: Foosegi Inc.

(copied from my  Festus ObyOsegi's page)

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